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Thread: This is funny

  1. #1
    Join Date
    May 2013
    Location
    Waterford, Michigan
    Posts
    616

    Default This is funny

    The Middle Wife

    > The 'Middle
    > Wife' by an Anonymous 2nd grade teacher.
    >
    > I've been teaching now
    > for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but the
    > best birth story I
    > know is the one I saw in my own second grade classroom a
    > few years back.
    >
    > When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I
    > always have a few sessions with my students. It helps
    > them get over shyness
    > and usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in
    > pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish
    > they catch, stuff like that. And I never,
    > ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If
    > they want to lug it in
    > to school and talk about it, they were welcome.
    >
    > Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very
    > outgoing kid, takes her
    > turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a
    > pillow stuffed under her sweater.
    >
    > She holds up a snapshot of an infant.
    > 'This is Luke, my baby brother, and I'm going to
    > tell you about his birthday.'
    >
    > 'First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol
    > of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom's
    > stomach, and Luke grew in
    > there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella
    > cord.'
    >
    > She's standing there with her hands on the
    > pillow, and I'm trying not to laugh and wishing I
    > had my camcorder with me.
    > The kids are watching her in amazement.
    >
    > 'Then, about
    > two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts going, 'Oh, Oh, Oh,
    > Oh!' (Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans.)
    >
    > 'She walked around the house
    > for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!' (Now this kid is
    > doing a hysterical duck walk and groaning.)
    >
    > 'My Dad called
    > the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she
    > doesn't have a sign on the car
    > like the Domino's man. They got my Mom to lie down
    > in bed like this.' (Then
    > Erica lies down with her back against the wall.)
    >
    > 'And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in
    > there in case he got
    > thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the
    > bed, like psshhheew!'
    > (This kid has her legs spread with her little hands
    > miming water flowing away. It was too much!)
    >
    > 'Then the middle wife starts
    > saying 'push, push,' and 'breathe,
    > breathe'. They started counting, but
    > never even got past ten. Then, all of a sudden,
    > out comes my brother. He
    > was covered in yucky stuff that they all said it was
    > from Mom's play-center,
    > so there must be a lot of toys inside there.
    >
    > When he got out, the middle wife spanked him for crawling up in
    > there in the first place'.
    >
    > Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical
    > bow and returned to her seat.
    >
    > I'm sure I applauded
    > the loudest. Ever since then, when it's
    > Show-and-Tell day, I bring my
    > camcorder, just in case another 'Middle Wife'
    > comes along.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Dec 2012
    Posts
    966

    Default

    nice!

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Location
    pontiac
    Posts
    1,815

    Default

    That's pretty good !

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
    Location
    Northville
    Posts
    80

    Default

    Awesome

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