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Thread: For the Hunters

  1. #1
    Guest

    Default For the Hunters

    Ed was excited about his new rifle and decided to try hunting.

    He traveled up to Alaska, spotted a small brown bear and shot it.

    Right after, there was a tap on his shoulder and he turned around to see a big black bear.

    The black bear said, "That was a very bad mistake.

    That was my cousin and I'm going to give you two choices.

    Either I maul you to death or we have sex.

    After considering briefly, Ed decided to accept the latter alternative. So the black bear has his way with Ed.

    Even though he felt sore for two weeks, Ed soon recovered and vowed revenge.

    He headed out on another trip where he found the black bear and shot it dead.

    Right after, there was another tap on his shoulder.

    This time a huge grizzly bear stood right next to him.

    The grizzly said, "That was a big mistake, Ed.

    That was my cousin and you've got two choices.

    Either I maul you to death or we have rough sex.

    Again, Ed thought it was better to cooperate with the grizzly bear
    than be mauled to death.

    So the grizzly has his way with Ed.

    Although he survived, it took several months before Ed fully recovered.

    Now Ed was completely outraged, so he headed back to Alaska and managed to track down the grizzleybear and shot it.

    He felt sweet revenge, but then, moments later, there was a tap on
    his shoulder.

    He turned around to find a giant polar bear standing there.

    The polar bear looked at him and said, Admit it Ed, you don't come here for the hunting, do you?"

    ;D

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Location
    Vermontville, MI
    Posts
    106

    Default Farmer humor

    A man lived in the city his entire life, he'd grown up there and had only made a few visits to the country on school field trips as a child.

    He always wanted to try hunting, he dreamed about it, unfortunately he didn't have a place to hunt and didn't have enough money to take a long trip.

    One day while playing a scratch off lottery ticket he won 5 thousand dollars. He was excited, he would finally fulfill his dream and take a hunting trip. He looked at all the hunting options and decided to try duck hunting. He bought a nice shotgun, camo clothes, duck calls, decoys and a floating blind, he was surprised at how easy it was to spend the 5 grand but he knew it would be worth it as soon as he bagged his first duck and he anxiously awaited for duck season to open.

    For months he went to a shooting range and practiced with his new gun, every night he practiced his duck calls on the roof of his apartment building. He was ready. When the season opened he bought a license,
    took a week off work and drove several hours out into the country to some public hunting land.

    He arrived in the evening and set up camp, he was so excited he didn't get a wink of sleep, he lay awake smiling, knowing that tomorrow would be great. He had saved just enough money to take his first duck to a taxidermist.

    An hour before dawn he headed to a backwater flooding that looked promising on the map set his decoys and his blind. At first light he started calling. Nothing. Not one duck. He hunted all day, nothing. No problem he thought, he knew he had set his hopes pretty high thinking he would get one the first day. But he had a whole week ahead to shoot plenty of ducks.

    The next day came, again nothing. Nothing the third day. He was starting to get discouraged. He tried different areas, different calls, everything he could think of, still nothing.

    All week he hunted from dawn til dusk and didn't see a single duck. On the evening of the last day he pulled his decoys and blind and started toward his car. Mad at himself for spending all that money and wasting so much time, using up his vacation, he was kicking himself. As he threw the decoys into the car he heard a ''quack quack quack" He looked up and saw a lone mallard overhead, quickly he grabbed his gun. The duck was a little out of range but he took the shot anyway. He hit the duck, it didn't drop immediately but it did begin descending toward the ground. The man started running after it, the duck glided across the road away from the public hunting land and dropped in a farmers front yard.

    The man reached the farmyard just in time to see the farmer walk out, pick up the duck and start back into the house. The man, all out of breath, ran up and said "hey mister, thats my duck!". The farmer shrugged his shoulders and said "its on my land, its my duck". The man, trying to hide his anger, plead with the farmer "sir, you don't understand, I've been looking forward to this my whole life, this is my first time hunting, I've spent a lot of money and a lot of time. Please can I have the duck, its my first one and I have to go back to work tomorrow, I don't know when I'll get another chance to go hunting. Please"

    The farmer looked him over for a minute and asked "you from the city?"

    "Yes sir, my whole life" the man replied.

    The farmer said "well I'll tell ya what, we have a way of settling disputes out here. We take turns kicking each other in the balls and the last one standing gets the duck"

    "Are you crazy?" asked the man. "There is no way I'm doing that"

    The farmer shrugged and said "guess that means its my duck" and started to carry the duck back into the house. Just as he reached the door, the man, having realized this would be his only chance said "hold on, hold on, lets do it, I really want that duck."

    The farmer laid the duck on the porch and said "its my yard, I go first". The man grudgingly agreed and readied himself for the blow. The farmer got a running start and kicked the guy so hard it literally lifted him off the ground. The man fell down and started rolling around in agony, almost in tears. After several minutes the guy collected himself and got up, breathing hard he said to the farmer, "okay, now its my turn"

    The farmer smiled and said, "naw, you can keep the duck"
    Don't ever let common sense get in the way of a good disaster

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    Location
    Michigan
    Posts
    4,613

    Default

    very nice.. lol..
    Redline Superbike
    http://www.redlinesuperbike.com/



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