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owl
12-24-2014, 10:17 AM
The Middle Wife
> The 'Middle
> Wife' by an Anonymous 2nd grade teacher.
>
> I've been teaching now
> for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but the
> best birth story I
> know is the one I saw in my own second grade classroom a
> few years back.
>
> When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I
> always have a few sessions with my students. It helps
> them get over shyness
> and usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in
> pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish
> they catch, stuff like that. And I never,
> ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If
> they want to lug it in
> to school and talk about it, they were welcome.
>
> Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very
> outgoing kid, takes her
> turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a
> pillow stuffed under her sweater.
>
> She holds up a snapshot of an infant.
> 'This is Luke, my baby brother, and I'm going to
> tell you about his birthday.'
>
> 'First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol
> of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom's
> stomach, and Luke grew in
> there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella
> cord.'
>
> She's standing there with her hands on the
> pillow, and I'm trying not to laugh and wishing I
> had my camcorder with me.
> The kids are watching her in amazement.
>
> 'Then, about
> two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts going, 'Oh, Oh, Oh,
> Oh!' (Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans.)
>
> 'She walked around the house
> for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!' (Now this kid is
> doing a hysterical duck walk and groaning.)
>
> 'My Dad called
> the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she
> doesn't have a sign on the car
> like the Domino's man. They got my Mom to lie down
> in bed like this.' (Then
> Erica lies down with her back against the wall.)
>
> 'And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in
> there in case he got
> thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the
> bed, like psshhheew!'
> (This kid has her legs spread with her little hands
> miming water flowing away. It was too much!)
>
> 'Then the middle wife starts
> saying 'push, push,' and 'breathe,
> breathe'. They started counting, but
> never even got past ten. Then, all of a sudden,
> out comes my brother. He
> was covered in yucky stuff that they all said it was
> from Mom's play-center,
> so there must be a lot of toys inside there.
>
> When he got out, the middle wife spanked him for crawling up in
> there in the first place'.
>
> Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical
> bow and returned to her seat.
>
> I'm sure I applauded
> the loudest. Ever since then, when it's
> Show-and-Tell day, I bring my
> camcorder, just in case another 'Middle Wife'
> comes along.

bombdog
12-24-2014, 11:47 AM
nice!:lmao:

leebo
12-24-2014, 12:25 PM
That's pretty good !

BigDogMS
12-28-2014, 09:26 AM
Awesome